


Breaking Cover

by GreyLiliy



Series: Breaking Cover [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Implied Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-24 09:20:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8366881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreyLiliy/pseuds/GreyLiliy
Summary: Ben takes the name "Kylo Ren" as a lie. He is no Knight of Ren, but in truth an undercover Jedi with one mission: Kill Snoke, ridding the galaxy of his evil. But the Force user is cautious and keeps "Ren" at arm's length on the Finalizer. Ben bides his time sabotaging the First Order while waiting for his opening, but is distracted by a growing relationship with General Hux.





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> I was thinking about the theories & rumors floating around that Kylo Ren might be a double-agent for Luke, and on the one hand I sort of hate that. I think it takes away from his dynamic as a villain and sort of belittles his “Fall” into the Dark Side (and even more so, would cheapen a legitimate redemption).
> 
> But on the other hand, it makes for a really interesting twist to the Ben Solo loves Total Monster!Hux dynamic. So, felt like exploring it a little bit. ;D Also, it’s an AU because I don’t want to figure out how to justify Ben killing his dad just to stay undercover & because I wanted a more forward Hux.
> 
> This will be in two-parts, and the second half is almost done and should be up soon. So in the meantime, enjoy! :D

Ben knew that when he agreed to Luke’s plan to take down Snoke, that it would be difficult. Going undercover, completely undercover, would mean “betraying” his family and abandoning the life that he knew for however long it took to kill the dangerous Force user. No one could know about this, save for Luke and his padawans who would be “dead” in hiding until the mission was complete.

But he had accepted.

His “fall” to Snoke had gone according to plan. The old Force user had been more than happy to know his “manipulations” had worked as planned. Snoke fully believed that the dark whispers he’d fed to Ben in “secret” had been effective. In truth, Ben had simply hidden what he didn’t want the old man to know.

Ben had always been abnormally powerful in the Force, however the mind was the only area that Ben had total mastery yet to be matched. No matter his other strengths, Snoke didn’t see anything in his mind that Ben did not want him to. Which was good, because Snoke always wanted to know far more than his greedy little fingers could have. Ben was lucky he was able to feed the man false information to satisfy.

However, he was powerful and neither Ben nor Luke were certain they could take him out alone. Thus the mission to catch him unaware in his own lair.

At first, Ben had thought the worst of it would be the attack on Luke’s temple, but that had gone off without a hitch. Snoke was more than happy to let Ben take the lead as the newly dubbed “Kylo Ren” and do all the “killing” himself. The Knights, the Jedi Killers, who had come with him, too, were more than happy to sit back and let “Master Kylo” take the lead.

The padawans played dead, and with a little mind magic the Knights of Ren returned to Snoke “successful”, and the galaxy mourned the loss of an entire generation of Jedi.

After that, Ben was sure the heartbreak he could feel from his parents from across the galaxy at his “betrayal” would have been the most difficult to deal with. But that faded as well into the mindset of “This must be done.”

In comparison to those two, Ben’s year of training with Snoke was merely borderline excruciating. It was taxing, painful, and a form of torture in some conditions. Sleep, food, and light deprivation were all common training tactics to hone in on the Dark Side, supposedly. Worst of all, there was barely any time to analyze Snoke for weakness. Ben only found him to be as strong as he projected, and that was disheartening.

He would have to train for real if he ever wanted to be strong enough to truly beat the man. But all the same, he kept up with the Dark regimen he’d been given. Even when it meant taking lives for real with the Knights that followed him like puppies.

Ben’s heart ached, but he knew these few sacrifices would have to mean something once they took down Snoke. He could feel it in the Force: Snoke had worse planned, and these few lost lives would be nothing compared to what that man would take from the universe.

However pleased Snoke was with his new “apprentice”, though, he must have harbored his own suspicions of his “Kylo Ren’s” loyalties. After only a year in the man’s personal presence, he shuffled Ben off to his first long-term post: A co-commandership on a battle cruiser.

Ben remembered the exact moment he realized he’d been wrong about all the things that would be difficult to bear on this mission.

Because nothing was worse than having to deal with General Armitage Hux.

* * *

Over time, Ben found little ways he could strike back at the Order without appearing to be a traitor. He let his famous loose and fast temper be his cover as he took out his frustrations on the equipment on the ship with his lightsaber. Sure he had to deal with Hux showing up and whining at him, but it was worth it to get under the man’s skin. He was one of the few people on the ship who was of equal rank, that Ben could push to the limits under the name of “Rivalry.”

Plus, if Ben couldn’t stick his lightsaber through the man’s chest, Hux couldn’t really do anything to him either. In addition to the issue of their equal rank, Snoke would be upset should they harm each other outside of insults. And they certainly didn’t want that, did they?

Besides, destroying equipment was a legitimate stress relief.

Ben slashed his lightsaber down into the nearest console, relishing the sparks and sheer destruction of it all. He hadn’t found a weakness for Snoke. His mother still longed for him across the galaxy. His father was getting into trouble with smugglers across the galaxy where Ben couldn’t reach him, Chewie caught up with him. And Luke was alone. Ben stabbed the saber into the wall and twisted.

A technician behind him bolted for the door.

It’d been over two years since Ben had left, one with Snoke and one on the Finalizer, and Ben hated how little progress he’d made. Luke had warned him it would be a long haul assignment, but he was starting to fear that he wouldn’t be able to kill Snoke in time to prevent him from finishing his Starkiller, the project Ben was absolutely certain had been the cause of the grave premonitions he and Luke had shared before deciding this mission was necessary.

“I know you think everything on this ship costs nothing,” Hux said, stalking into the room. The anger boiled under his skin, hidden behind the glare and cold face he’d put on. But that was nothing new; Hux was always angry. The general stopped next to Ben and narrowed his eyes. “But I would like to remind you, yet again, that is not the case. Lord Ren, you really must stop this behavior when something doesn’t go your way. It’s childish and expensive.”

“It was the control panel or the technician manning it,” Ben said, turning around. His lightsaber stayed on, burning brightly near Hux’s side. The man barely noticed it, which was fairly impressive for someone with the Force sensitivity of a rock. His lack of fear concerning “Kylo Ren” was as admirable as it was irritating. “Aren’t you glad I chose the panel?”

“I’ll be happy when the answer is neither and you learn to count to ten like the rest of us,” Hux said. He turned his nose up at the burning wreckage. His shoulders dropped, and he sounded as tired as he was cross. “This is the third one this week.”

“So it is,” Ben said. As much as he hated working with a man that was the embodiment of everything the First Order stood for (aka Evil), Ben couldn’t totally fault Hux for being so upset on this one, particular occasion. The man kept a tight ship, and even Ben typically tried to space out his sabotages more than this. It was still annoying Hux had noticed his abnormal behavior. Ben huffed through his vocoder, “What about it?”

Hux frowned, drawing his eyebrows together as if he was pained by something. His voice sounded hesitant when he asked, “Is there a reason you’re more upset than usual?”

There were plenty: The First Order had destroyed three Resistance ships in the last week. Ben found out what exactly “Starkiller” was and when it was to be operational, which significantly cut down his time table to kill Snoke. His mother’s heart was still breaking for him strong enough that he could feel it across the galaxy, and they’d run out of the coffee he liked in the cafeteria. That last one was minor, not that it mattered when none of those answers would be justification to Hux.

So Ben lied.

“No.”

“You’ll forgive me if I don’t believe that,” Hux said, glaring harder. He stood straighter and put his arms behind his back. “Well whatever is bothering you, I do hope you get over it because we can not afford another control panel to be destroyed. I overlook these fits of yours more often than I should, but this is getting to the point where intervention might be necessary.”

Translation: Hux was considering tattling to Snoke.

“I understand,” Ben said. And he did. It wouldn’t be too hard to switch to a different form of sabotage for a while. Perhaps he’d mess with the tie fighters flight computers or something equally annoying. So he nodded to Hux, and feeling playful, got in one last jab as a bit of fun, and to maintain his own evil persona. “Next time I’ll attack the technician.”

“Ren!” Hux shouted after him, but Ben was already down the corridor.

Perhaps instead of breaking panels, Ben would just get Hux upset. The man always lost his temper when he was angry, and Ben would be lying if he didn’t get a thrill out of it.

* * *

Time on the Finalizer seemed to pass by faster than Ben’s liking. The First Order was making far too much progress, far too quickly. Ben touched the glass looking out into the galaxy, and dragged his fingers down it. He was running out of time.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” Hux asked, joining Ben before the observatory window of the Finalizer, looking down at the frozen planet of Starkiller. He looked to Ren, something wistful in his eyes. “She’ll be done in two more years, right on schedule. I can’t believe things are progressing so well.”

Ben couldn’t either. All he could see was another wasted year on a mission that was looking bleaker and bleaker by the day. He needed to find some way to convince Snoke to let him back into his personal service, but it was tricky. Snoke was still convinced Ben was better suited to manning the Finalizer with Hux.

It took Ben longer than he’d like to admit, but he finally figured out that Hux worked better with competition, and Snoke had noticed it, too.

Competing with “Kylo Ren” for Snoke’s praises and attention had the General working harder and faster than anyone else in his position. The man was, Ben hated to admit, brilliant. The weapon was pure evil, and if Ben had his way would never be fired, but even he could admit that Starkiller was a work of genius. For Hux to have designed and overseen it’s construction this closely, it was no question that the man was just that.

Hux continued standing companionably by Ben’s side, only a few inches between them. He’d get like this from time to time, Ben had noticed. Comfortable in Ren’s presence as if they were friendly coworkers instead of bitter rivals. But then again, Ben was likely the closest thing Hux had to a friend on this ship.

Perhaps he simply had no one else to talk to.

“The Resistance won’t know what hit them when Starkiller is unveiled.” Hux leaned on the railing and smiled. Ben felt a chill at the genuine contentment the other man felt at the thought of wiping out entire planets. Hux squeezed his hands on the railing. “The universe may find true order yet.”

Ben remained quiet, staring down at the frigid planet. He had begged Luke through a mind link for him to warn his mother and the Resistance of Starkiller, but it was one of the most well kept secrets in the Order. If you weren’t directly involved, you didn’t know. If it were to get leaked that the Resistance had discovered it, they would know for certain there was a mole.

And a hunt for a traitor was not something Ben could afford; not when he still had time.

“No snide remarks tonight?” Hux asked, turning his head toward Ben. He watched carefully, something different in his gaze. “Normally you wouldn’t hesitate to get a word in at my expense. I’d have figured my sentimentality was a rather large bullseye.”

“Perhaps I just agree with you,” Ben said, looking back out the window. He stared at the snow-covered planet that was as cold as the man standing next to him. “It is a lovely planet.”

Hux smiled just a bit, and it was warm. Ben wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

* * *

The months continued to pass, and somehow even after all this time, new things continued to pop up and surprise Ben on this mission.

“You fool!” Hux shouted at Lieutenant Mitaka, smacking the man’s datapad out of his hand. He snarled, teeth bared and voice hoarse from shouting. “When I put you in charge of something, I expect it to be completed.”

“Yes, yes sir!” Mitaka said, stumbling over his words.

“Then why don’t you tell me why our guests have complained?” Hux asked, still tense. “Did I not inform you of what was to be prepared in their rooms for their arrival in great detail. So how was something as important as providing…”

Ben tuned out the rest of what Hux was shouting as he gaped behind his mask. The door to the bridge slammed shut behind him, and he was happy to be able to stare openly at the furious man and the spectacle he made.

Ben had never seen General Hux this upset in the two and a half years he’d known the man. Angry, irritated, jealous, and aggravated? All the time. But upset to the point a few hairs had fallen out of place on his forehead?

Never.

Hux eye twitched as he stood on the bridge, his eyes red at the edges. His greatcoat was nowhere to be seen, and a slight wrinkle stained the side of the man’s uniform. Hux’s eyes were bloodshot, like he’d woken up with a hangover, and there was an unhealthy pallor to his skin. The people on the bridge were steadfastly ignoring his disheveled appearance, and even the ruthless Captain Phasma said nothing.

Too curious for his own good, Ben slipped into the General’s mind to find out just what had the terrifying man looking like he might crack with the slightest push.

A father.

Ben yanked himself right back out of Hux’s head when he brushed against the memories playing on repeat. He wished he’d paid more attention the guests they’d welcomed aboard the ship that evening. Perhaps then Ben would have noticed the elderly man with red hair that made Hux feel like a child again.

Logically, Ben knew that Hux was human deep down somewhere in there beneath the sociopathy and the total lack of concern for the rest of the universe. But the flashes of an nearly-unwanted boy that was too small, and failed every expectation of his parent was more sympathetic than the man he grew into deserved. Still though, it was difficult to believe there was someone out there who might be worse than Hux.

Any man who still considered his son less than adequate when he was the youngest General in Imperial History and head of the largest project in their Order had issues.

Ben left Hux’s mind and was glad his mask hid the disgusted look on his face.

Hux probably deserved the harsh words from his father, but Ben definitely couldn’t blame the man for trying to drink it away.

All the same, Ben wasn’t sure that glimpse at Hux’s humanity was something that he wanted.

* * *

“If this is how you react to a successful mission, I’m terrified of what you’d do after a failure,” Hux said, strolling into the room with his hands behind his back. He stared at the destroyed wall and the smoking control panels with a bored expression.

Ben clicked off his lightsaber. “This had nothing to do with the mission.”

It did, but he couldn’t tell that to Hux. How was he to explain that Ben was torn apart inside because he’d been forced to rip coordinates out of someone’s head in a painful interrogation? Hux himself had stood there and watched, impressed at the efficiency of it all, hardly caring about the screaming. Ben stepped back from the console and turned to leave. How could he explain that he’d had to kill thirty men today by combination of his own hand and order to a stormtrooper?

How could he tell Hux that he was no closer to defeating Snoke than when he’d arrived and his time was running out.

He couldn’t. So Ben said nothing, but it didn’t stop Hux from asking “Then what is bothering you?” regardless.

“I fail to see how it’s your business.” Ben kept walking. He stopped when he felt the tug on his arm. He turned to look down, and growled at Hux’s fingers digging into the side of his arm. “Let go.”

“It’s my business when you lash out and destroy my equipment. You haven’t broken a panel in months, and now you’ve destroyed an entire room.” Hux squeezed his arm. He leaned closer, speaking softer as if he were somehow trying to spare Ben the embarrassment of being scolded should someone overhear. “Something is wrong, and I’d rather it be dealt with now before it spirals out of control again and you destroy something more important.”

“It is neither your concern nor anything you are capable of helping with,” Ben said, in all honesty for a change. His vocoder did nothing to hide the frustration in his voice. “Let go, General.”

“Is this some of that Force nonsense?” Hux asked, letting go of Ben’s arm. He took a step back, head tilted and eyes focused on Ben like he was a puzzle to be solved. Hux pursed his lips. “Because if it’s this bad, than perhaps you should be consulting the Supreme Leader. He is your Master on the subject, isn’t he?”

“I have already done so,” Ben lied. It wasn’t like Hux would be willing to bother Snoke to ask. He tended to stay out of Force matters, competitions with Ben aside. “It is being dealt with.”

“By destroying equipment?”

“Yes,” Ben said.

“We need to find you a better coping mechanism for your anger management,” Hux said, shaking his head. He pushed back a slick of his own hair and sighed. “Is what I’m hearing.”

Ben rolled his eyes under his mask and counted to ten. The temptation to stab the man was always at its highest when Hux was trying to “help” Ben out.

“Maybe a punching bag would suit you,” Hux said, chuckling to himself like he’d told a joke. He paused and brought his eyes together. His teasing demeanor made way for an attempt at recollection and a change of topic. “Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen you in the gym.”

Ben had to pause; he didn’t even realize this ship had a gym. He supposed the storm troopers had to exercise somewhere, but he couldn’t see Hux sharing the facility. Did that mean there was an officer’s gym somewhere?

He must have been giving off a wave of confusion, because Hux’s mouth quirked to the side in a smile. He bit his lip and laughed. “You didn’t know we had one, did you?”

Ben shifted his weight to the other foot.

“You didn’t!” Hux laughed; outright laughed. “You’ve been co-commander of this ship for nearly four years now and you didn’t know that we had a private officer’s gym. That is rich.”

“I train just fine in my quarters,” Ben said, refusing to let the sheer oddity of Hux in good cheer distract him.

“Yes, you’re quite intimidating with your loner demeanor.” Hux waved his hand in dismissal, real smile still on his face. “But all the same, if I show you where the officer’s gym is, perhaps you’ll work off some of this excess energy there.”

“I don’t think that’ll be necessary,” Ben said. He tapped the side of his mask. “Besides, I don’t particularly enjoy sharing facilities like that with anyone, even if they’re officers.”

Hux scoffed. “Come now, Lord Ren. Do you really think I would have suggested it if it wasn’t possible to schedule it for an individual session, thus locking everyone else out?”

Ben rather wished he had an argument to that, but even more and it might give away he wanted to destroy equipment, instead of it being an unfortunate side effect. He held a hand out and tilted his head. “Lead the way, then.”

“My pleasure,” Hux said. He smirked and lifted an eyebrow in amusement before leaving the room with Ben in tow, far too content his suggestion had been accepted.

* * *

Ben hated that he wished he’d known about the gym years ago.

It was well stocked, cleaned by droids before and after each session, and it was indeed completely private from the workout rooms to the showers. Ben could exercise and train without his restricting robes or suffocating mask without fear that anyone would walk in. It also (after confirming that there were no security cameras) gave him a convenient place to meditate properly.

His personal quarters were made to fit the image of Kylo Ren; dark, dreary, and claustrophobic. The officer’s gym was well lit, and the minimal decoration left it as a plain, unassuming white room. The atmosphere it created was far better for getting in touch with the Force and centering himself.

Ben was in the middle of his cool-down meditation after a weight training session when the door to room opened with a swoosh. General Hux helped himself inside with his override access code, and Ben whipped his head to the side.

The man had his face buried in a datapad, but it was only a matter of time before he looked up and saw Ben’s naked face. Schooling his features, Ben pretended his face wasn’t ridiculously expressive. Of all the times to be given away, it would be when he was alone with Hux without a shirt.

So he would make sure it didn’t happen.

“Lord Ren,” Hux said, looking up. He stopped, eyes crawling all over Ren’s frame in an instant, but still uncomfortably thorough. But as quickly as the information was gathered, Hux continued as if it were any other conversation in the hall. “I hate to intrude, but you weren’t answering your comm and your services are needed.”

“Oh?” Ren said, slipping out of his meditation pose. He stood, walking to the side to pull a towel over his shoulders. He could still feel where Hux had focused, clearly appreciative of Ben’s physique. “For what? I wasn’t aware of any missions going on at the moment, and the Supreme Leader has said nothing.”

“We’ve stumbled upon a bit of good luck,” Hux said. He kept his face pointing at the datapad, but his eyes were clearly locked on Ben’s back. Ben did his best not to shiver under the intensity of it. “We found a Resistance scouting ship hiding in our territory. Whatever they had was important enough to destroy before we boarded their ship, so we have reason to believe the intel to be gained would be beneficial to The Order.”

Hux crossed the room when Ben said nothing, and he dropped his datapad. He openly stared now, but at least his eyes were locked on Ben’s face. “Torture seems to be ineffective, so I believe your unique brand of interrogation is required.”

Ben felt a small wave of desire from Hux, and he did not want to know if it was coming from his shirtless state, or from the thought of Ben interrogating someone. Not that it mattered; both options sent a chill up Ben’s spine.

“And this couldn’t have waited until I was finished?” Ben asked, unsure of what else to say. “It’s not like you to be impatient, General.”

“Perhaps,” Hux said. He placed his datapad under his arm and smiled with satisfaction. “But the sooner one has information, the sooner it can be put to use. Don’t you agree?”

“I’ll be at the interrogation room at the end of the hour,” Ben said. He’d need the hour to mentally prepare, anyway. But perhaps if he was lucky, he could give the Order misinformation and delay them or throw them off the track entirely. “Is that all?”

“I’ll meet you there,” Hux said. He nodded, gave Ben one last glance over, and excused himself from the room.

Ben wiped off the lower half of his face and breathed slowly. This was fine. It didn’t matter if Hux knew what he looked like. Ben knew it couldn’t have stayed a secret forever.

He tried not to be flattered that Hux liked what he saw.

* * *

Hux had definitely liked what he had seen.

“Are you propositioning me, General?” Ben asked, one part horrified and one part curious.

Hux was the most evil man he’d ever met, even if Ben had developed a twisted sort of respect for his professionalism and dedication to his cause. But all the same, not someone that Ben had ever imagined having relations with. On the other hand, Ben couldn’t recall a time where someone had shown this much interest in him in that respect. Or rather, he couldn’t ever recall someone lusting after him. And definitely not because his suitor was turned on by the fact Ben was capable of intense violence and torture.

“I might be,” Hux said. He glanced over his shoulder to check they were still alone in the hallway before tilting his head to the side. “Though I must admit, now I’m curious why you sound like it’s never happened before. Surely the Knights of Ren don’t follow the same non-attachment rules that Jedi had established?”

“We don’t,” Ben said, collecting himself. He squared his shoulders, and thought of a good excuse. “Most are too intimidated to offer.”

“Seems like their loss,” Hux said, “to use the more popular expression.”

“I am a little surprised you’ve offered,” Ben said, attempting to be diplomatic. “Considering most of our interactions are tolerable at best, and confrontational at worst, you’re the last I’d expect to show that sort of interest.”

“You may not have taken a vow of celibacy, but I am inclined to believe you’ve been rather sheltered to hold such romantic notions about sex,” Hux said. He smirked a little, shifting slightly in his parade rest. “You’re attractive and technically the only person on this ship who wouldn’t fall under an abuse of my authority. I’m not sure I need much more justification than that, do you?”

Hux had a point, though his comment about abusing authority had Ben’s eyebrows raised under his mask. Hux really did love his rulebook cover to cover, didn’t he?

Ben looked the General over. He was hardly an unattractive person, and if Ben had legitimately defected to the First Order, he would have taken the man up on his offer with little hesitation (he would assume). But as it stood, he was undercover, and Hux stood for everything Ben was trying to destroy in the universe.

Even if he had made himself a familiar figure in Ben’s life.

“I’m flattered, General,” Ben said, glad his vocoder helped even out his voice. “However I must decline.”

“I had a feeling you’d say as much, though it never hurts to ask,” Hux said. He stepped out of parade rest, and straightened his great coat. He caught Ben’s gaze through his helmet, somehow knowing where his eyes were. Hux smirked and shrugged his shoulders. “However, the offer remains open, should you change your mind.”

Hux excused himself, but not before he shot Ben with a particularly hungry gaze and a collection of suggestive thoughts.

Ben returned to his room and took a cold shower.

* * *

Even with the Force at his disposal, it was only a matter of time before Ben was surprised by an attack.

“Are you alright?” Hux asked, the concern in his voice breaking through his controlled and calm demeanor. He kneeled near Ben’s side, hand half reached out as if he wanted to touch Ben, but was unsure if it was allowed. The panic in his voice was unmistakeable. “Can you hear me? Lord Ren!”

Ben grunted, pushing himself up on his elbows. He tilted his head back and breathed, taking stock of his body. Everything appeared to be in place, but his ears were still ringing.

He thanked his Mother for allowing him to inherit the Force when he saw the ring of damage that surrounded him. Only a flash of precognition joined with a well timed protection bubble saved him from the blast of the explosion.

“Lord Ren, are you injured?” Hux asked again, this time putting his hand on Ben’s shoulder. He squeezed, his knee hitting the ground. “I can’t see anything, but you’ve been unconscious for two minutes and I can’t tell if there’s excess bruising under your robes.”

“I am unharmed,” Ben said, swallowing. He calmed his breathing, and sat up. Hux’s hand stayed on his shoulder, and he could feel the worry in waves. Genuine worry about Ben’s wellbeing, bubbling to the surface in raw waves. It was more unsettling than the explosion moments before. “What happened?”

“Surprise attack,” Hux said, gritting his teeth together. He squeezed Ben’s shoulder, leaning forward. “Mitaka sent a quick report on the comm a few moments ago just before the explosion. A resistance ship fired immediately upon dropping out of lightspeed, and they managed to hit an engine that must have caused a chain reaction to the best of my theories.”

Hux rubbed the side of his face and groaned. “Of all the days to be off the Finalizer.”

Ben nodded and pushed off the ground. Hux followed him up, staying close. Smoldering wreckage surrounded them, and dead bodies were everywhere dressed in white armor. Ben sensed that nearly half of the small cruiser they had been inspected was already destroyed.

A good move on the Resistance’s part, though times like this Ben wished he could be more in the loop of things. It’d be nice to know what ships to avoid when there was going to be an attack. Ben kicked over a piece of wreckage. He wasn’t sure Master Skywalker would appreciate his mole getting killed by his own team.

Let alone what Ben’s mother would have done.

“What a waste,” Hux said, drawing attention back to himself. “I can’t believe they caused this much damage in two hits.”

“What are you doing down here?” Ben asked, turning to the General. The man looked unharmed, though his greatcoat and hat were missing. “There’s no way you were in that explosion.”

“I was on the observation deck above and took shelter at the wall when it exploded.” Hux pointed up. Ben followed the line of sight to see a slightly charred railing high above, but it seemed mostly unscathed. Hux touched the back of his neck, still shaken from the blast all the same. “I remembered seeing you down here when I looked over the edge earlier, so I came to check if you were still here.”

Ben nodded. He closed his eyes and reached out with the Force to see what was going on. The cruiser had been boarded already, and the storm troopers weren’t doing well. Good. The Resistance was due for some successes, however they were getting closer. Ben turned to the General. “We need to move. Resistance soldiers are on their way.”

“Damn them all,” Hux said. He gripped his fist, and snarled. Anger overtook his earlier panic, and Ben hated he felt more comfortable with this familiar emotion. “They will pay for this. How dare they have the audacity to attack us in our own space?”

“I doubt they care much,” Ben said. He started tapping in a direction he thought moved away from the Resistance soldiers. He wouldn’t have to attack them if he never ran into them. The General gave him a good excuse as well to immediately find escape pods. He could “secure the General’s safety” first, and then be free to help the Resistance out in secret, free from the man’s watchful eye hoping “Kylo Ren” would lead a slaughter. “Let’s hurry.”

“I agree,” Hux said. “Lead the way.”

Things went well for about ten minutes as they trailed through the sparking, damaged hallways of the doomed cruiser. Hux kept up with Ben easily, and had his blaster out in case they ran into trouble. It was odd seeing the General in a combat situation, but he supposed that man went through training as much as any of the others. They turned another corner, still in the clear. Ben was fairly certain they could avoid any soldiers in their way, up until he was wrong.

They met a group of six Resistance soldiers at the end of the next hallway. Both groups came to a shocked standstill, the invaders not expecting to see the fearsome Kylo Ren in their path, and Ben not expecting to see them at all. He had been so busy monitoring where the teams that had entered at the first attack site where, that he failed to pick up the ones who had snuck in through another entrance. He cursed his luck that he’d have to fight them with the General watching.

The General.

Ben considered the man. It was only the two of them in the hallway, and six opponents. If there had ever been a time, to say, allow a stray shot to hit the General, this would be it. The loss of General Hux would be a horrific blow to the First Order. Enough so that Ben found himself tempted to just let the man die here and let it all be done with. Hux was a well respected, central figure, who’s death would not only be a blow to morale, but to the entire Order’s organization and structure. It would be a huge stride forward in Ben’s mission.

And it would be so easy to adjust a bolt’s direction to the right path if he dodged.

“Is there a reason we’re hesitating, Lord Ren?” Hux asked, looking out of the corner of his eye. His blaster was raised, but he hadn’t begun to fire yet. Ben reached out with the Force to find Hux was deferring to Ben in the field. If Ben hadn’t attacked yet, neither was he. Hux swallowed, keeping a scowl planted on his face in his refusal to show weakness. “I hardly think this group would be a challenge for you.”

But Ben could see it this close; the slightest hint of fear in Hux’s demeanor. The General yearned to inch closer to Ben, whom he saw as a source of protection and oddly enough, comfort.

It was so very human a response.

Ben lit his lightsaber, hating himself as he made a snap decision. “Don’t move.”

There was a special place in his mind that Ben would retreat to when he was required to fight his own people. Luke had taught it to him for situations where he would be unable to escape the eyes of the people he was tricking. Ben would lock away his guilt in this place, to be explored and grieved later when he found time alone. Normally it was required to save face, and he only did it when absolutely necessary.

But this moment was none of those things. Ben chose to save the General’s life over those brave men and women of the Resistance.

He chose not to linger on his reasons why.

* * *

Some days, Ben was amazed at the First Order’s ability to multitask. Not only were they still working on their giant weapon, but they were still invading and claiming smaller planets to absorb into their rule.

“It is incredible that no matter how many times I see you in action, it’s impressive every time,” Hux said, hand on his hip as he looked over the battlefield. A mix of admiration and the usual lust dusted his words. “Did you leave any alive to interrogate?”

“They knew nothing,” Ben said, clicking off his lightsaber. He turned his back on the carnage, mentally remember the name of each person he had been forced to kill. Phasma and her men stood a few yards away, having been present for the entire fight. This slaughter of his peers was regretfully happening more and more often as Hux decided to deepen their relationship, accompanying Ben on missions when time allowed. “Your reports were thorough enough.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Hux said.

Ben rolled his shoulder and itched to get off the field. Ever since he had chosen to spare Hux, he’d been uncomfortable around the man. He didn’t want to think too hard about him. Ben didn’t want to know that the General might possibly care for Ben in other ways than lust. He didn’t want to think of that monster as human. And he especially didn’t want to think about the way Hux could get under his skin like no one else.

“If I may speak freely, Lord Ren,” Hux said, maintaining his polite demeanor that only showed its face when there were others within earshot. “But you seem to be rather stressed lately.”

“What gives you that impression?” Ben asked, moving away and to the ramp of their shuttle attempting to brush him off.

Hux followed, naturally.

“You’ve been spending twice the hours in the gym that you used to, and you’ve destroyed six panels this past month. That’s twice your worst month previously,” Hux said. He stayed near Ben’s side and tilted his head. “Considering things have been going well in the Order, I can only surmise that perhaps your training with the Supreme Leader is perhaps the cause?”

“My training with my Master is on hold until after the weapon is fired,” Ben said, licking his lips behind his mask. There was no harm in telling Hux the truth, especially if it worked to distract him from the destroyed consoles. Ben’s suspicions that Snoke was onto him grew every day, especially with the extended distance Snoke was putting between them as the weapon drew near to completion. “And it is none of your concern, in either case.”

“That explains it,” Hux said, his tone becoming more casual the further they went from Phasma’s earshot.

Ben stopped and turned on his heel, his cape flaring behind his shoulder. “Explains what?”

“You’re frustrated at the lack in progress,” Hux said. He smiled in Ben’s direction, cruel and amused—though somehow also fond. Only Hux could manage to blend so many things together into one look. “You want to be learning more and moving forward, but you can’t without permission. Anyone would be stressed in that situation.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I think I do.”

Ben stopped, aware the two of them were alone in the hallway. Both of their breaths seemed too heavy and too loud. The tension was enough to have Ben snap, “Is there a point to this conversation?”

“Only that my earlier offer still stands should you want some way to alleviate that stress,” Hux said. He dared to flick his finger into the back of Ben’s hand before walking away deeper into the shuttle. “Do think about it.”

Ben gripped his hand into a fist.

He was going to break.


	2. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so maybe this will be three parts. I was planning on two, but then I thought about it and realized having this second half be one part didn’t flow as well as it did before I split this entire work in the first place (it used to be one big chunk). 
> 
> But, the natural split happened to make this first half way too short, so I decided to extend it to make it a little more of an equal length chapter (which you all might appreciate once you see what the focus is) and here we are. The third part is definitely the end though, so stay tuned for that soon! :D

The Starkiller was nearly complete.

It was three to four months out from it’s first firing, and Ben was running out of options for how to stop it. Snoke still kept Ben too far away to complete his assassination goals, and therefore cutting off the head of the snake. In addition, Hux kept far too tight a ship for any genuine sabotage to work (Ben’s last attempt was discovered, fixed, and fortified against mere hours after he’d done it—Hux was not to be underestimated).

It was looking like Ben’s only option was to break his cover, go home, and flat out tell the Resistance what the First Order had waiting for them (assuming no one shot him down before he could land). However the case, it did not change the fact that if Ben didn’t do something soon, Starkiller base was going to fire on the New Republic.

Ben couldn’t let that happen.

He punched the metal walls of the gym, bruising his knuckles and lacing pain up his arms. Ben was going to fail his mission to kill Snoke and stop the man. Escape back to the Resistance before his undercover mission did him any good might be his only option, and they’d have to start all over when Snoke inevitably went into hiding. Ben hit the wall again, splitting the skin. His knuckles bled, and Ben left spots on the wall as he repeatedly punched it.

After all the lives Ben had taken. After all the horrible things Snoke and The Order had had Ben do, and it was all going to have been for nothing.

He pulled his fist back, and threw it back into the wall aiming to break them if just to distract himself—only to have it caught an inch from the surface by a gloved hand.

“I don’t know what’s wrong, but I’m fairly certain hurting yourself will not solve the dilemma,” Hux said, squeezing Ben’s wrist. He looked angry, but was gentle when he pulled Ben’s arm down and away from the wall. Hux stretched out one of Ben’s fingers, examining the self-inflicted wound with care. “You don’t have to tell me what’s bothering you, but I insist you stop this nonsense.”

“Let go, Hux,” Ben said, giving up on controlling his features. It wasn’t worth the effort to keep up his frightening persona with a proper glare. He pushed his hair back with his free hand. “What do you want?”

“You missed your one shift on the bridge this week, and no one has seen you anywhere outside of your quarters in three days,” Hux said, notably not letting go of Ben’s wrist. His grip tightened, and the leather of his gloves creaked. Hux kept his gaze locked with Ben’s eyes, not backing down. “When the gym was reserved, you’ll forgive me for wanting to find out if you were in fact still alive.”

“You’ve done that,” Ben said. He yanked his hand back, snapping it out of Hux’s grasp, and rolled his fingers into a fist. Ben broke eye contact first, staring at the back of his hand instead. “You can leave now.”

“As I see it Ren, whatever it may be that has you bloodying your knuckles,” Hux said. He grabbed the front of Ben’s workout tank and yanked the man down the few inches required to press their lips together. Lower, Hux shifted his grip to grab the back of Ben’s head and deepen the kiss. “Does not change that you seem to be in desperate need of a distraction.”

“I seem to recall rejecting these advances,” Ben said, breathing heavily. Temptation was a cruel mistress, but effective. He could smell Hux so clearly without his mask and they were far too close. Ben could feel every breath; every twitch on Hux’s skin. “Usually you respect that.”

“Usually you don’t need it this badly,” Hux whispered. He drew his fingers through Ben’s hair, petting the back of his neck. Ben whined; it felt so good. It shouldn’t feel this good just to hold someone. Hux pressed their foreheads together. “Let me distract you, Ren. Before you really hurt yourself.”

Ben really shouldn’t let Hux have his way. This was sinking into the Dark Side, letting himself be ruled by selfishness. Ben really, really shouldn’t give in.

But Hux smelled so good; of cheap cologne, and musk, and something under that he couldn’t quite place that reminded him of breakfast at home.

“Sometimes I really hate you,” Ben said, kissing Hux back. The General returned the action by wrapping his arms around Ben’s shoulders and pulling himself up and into it. The man was greedy; so greedy and Ben kept kissing him back. Ben lifted Hux by the hips and pressed them both against the wall. Ben growled, “Really, really hate you.”

“Save the pillow talk for later,” Hux said, nipping the side of Ben’s lip. He jumped up using Ben’s shoulders as a brace, and wrapped his legs around Ben’s waist. It gave him the few inches of height needed so that he could kiss down, forcing Ben to tilt his head back. He grinned into Ben’s mouth, digging his thumbs into Ben’s jaw. “You’ve got better things to do with your mouth right now.”

Ben hated Hux.

But he burried his fingers into the man’s hips and tugged him closer all the same, because at the moment, Ben hated himself more.

* * *

Ben should probably feel more guilty about sleeping with Hux than he did.

Just because the man took pleasure in the thoughts of genocide in the name of “order” and half-loved “Ren” because he could torture people more creatively, did not mean he deserved to be lied to and used (even if “being used as a distraction” were the General’s own words). Hux valued loyalty, surprisingly enough, and was always honest with people (on his own side, anyway).

Honestly, Ben should have never slept with the man at all, but he did and well, he’d done worse.

“Deal with the consequences and guilt later,” had been the motto of this entire mission, so why not go further in the fire while Ben was at it?

“If I would have known you became this pliable after sex, I would have been more insistent in my advances a year ago,” Hux said, blowing out a mouthful of smoke. He sat up in the bed, hair ruffled and sheets bunched around his waist. He brushed back Ben’s hair from his face. “Can you even stay awake, right now?”

“No,” Ben muttered. Exhaustion was the theme of the evening from his emotional rollercoaster to his physical one. Ben tugged his sheet up, curling on his side and shoving his face in the pillow. “So make up your mind if you’re staying or leaving.”

Hux shifted, looking around the room and Ben could feel him weighing his options to stay or leave, but was too tired to dig further to look at what he was thinking. Ben felt the bed move, and he thought Hux was getting out to escape back to his own quarters, but instead Ben felt him lean over across his back, one hand resting on the edge of the bed.

“Is that a stand full of ashes?” Hux asked, smoke drifting lazily from his cigarette.

Ben turned his head, looked at the stand and then shoved his face back into the pillow to suppress the groan. “Yes.”

Hux pulled his hand back, trailing it across Ben’s back. “What is it?”

“Cremated remains of enemies I found worthy opponents,” Ben muttered into the pillow. To fool Snoke, Ben had needed some “Darker Side” habits that might further prove he’d fully fallen. Luke had half-come up with the idea thinking of his father’s funeral pyre, and Ben came up with the rest. At the time, it’d seemed like a good idea. Hux’s amusement made it seem less so. “Is there something funny?”

“No, it’s just an appropriately dramatic thing to be found in your private quarters,” Hux said, finally. He snuffed out his cigarette in a portable ashtray and dropped it on the floor, his stomach pressing into Ben’s back as he leaned over. As he pulled up, Hux crossed his arms on Ben’s shoulderblade and smirked into his side. “Very passionate. It suits you.”

Ben didn’t answer, sleep already tugging at his eyelids. He breathed deep and slow into the pillow, smelling Hux everywhere.

“Look at you, already falling asleep,” the General said. He fell back onto the bed, lying next to Ben. Hux twisted a strand of Ben’s hair around a finger. “I do believe I’ll stay.”

Ben fell asleep warm and guiltily content.

* * *

Two weeks after Ben had started sleeping with Hux, there was a surprisingly lack of destruction on the Finalizer. A certain General had convinced himself it was because Ben was more relaxed now that he was getting laid regularly. Really though, Ben was too distracted looking for ways to stop Starkiller, kill Snoke, and pointedly ignore that he was literally sleeping with the enemy to orchestrate a fake temper-tantrum.

Hux was pleased, regardless of the actual reason.

Ben stood in the shuttle bay, watching as the stormtroopers readied his private shuttle. Snoke was still on the look out for Luke, and had found another fake lead. Kylo Ren had been assigned to hunt it down, naturally. Typically, Ben would draw out these missions as long as possible just to get away from the First Order for a while and collect himself, however it was too close to Starkiller base’s debut for Ben to be that far away. He’d have to rush this one, and hope no one noticed the bonus efficiency.

“I see you’re nearly ready to depart,” Hux said, approaching the shuttle. His greatcoat flared up lightly behind him. He stopped at Ben’s side, back straight and demeanor warm. His face maintained it’s cold, heartless appearance, but Ben didn’t need the Force to feel how relaxed the General was by his side. “Always good to see you on time.”

“And odd to see you away from the bridge,” Ben said. He straightened his cowl, adjusting the hood over his mask. “Come to wish me goodbye?”

“It’s not so unusual to want to see you off now is it?” Hux asked. He smirked ever so slightly and raised an eyebrow. “Especially when you forgot to file the departure paperwork that contains the ETA for your return.”

Ben stared at Hux, eyebrows drawing together behind his mask. He had indeed filed his paperwork properly this time, because he knew exactly how long this would take. So why did Hux lie?

A stormtrooper walked by, and Ben turned his head to follow them. He typically ignored the masked soldiers around him, but now it was obvious: Hux was saving face. The General coming to see Ben off as a personal matter would make him look weak. Missing paperwork was too good of an excuse. Ben shook his head.

And then he played along. “You know I have no fondness for bureaucracy.”

“Neither do I, but keeping your peers informed is necessary to keep order,” Hux said. He straightened his back, tilting his head toward Ben. “How long do you plan to be gone?”

“Standard week,” Ben said. He fingered the edge of his hood, unable to stop fidgeting. The General’s warmth was too close, and he kept thinking about two nights ago when there was far less clothing between them. Not a thought he needed before boarding a shuttle. “Two at the most.”

“I do hope so,” Hux said. He clasped his hands in front of him. “With Starkiller base nearly complete, you’ll be needed. Do you expect any complications? Threats?”

“Nothing I can’t handle,” Ben said, ignoring the unspoken “Are you going somewhere dangerous?” underneath the spoken words. Ben flipped his hood down, turning to look at Hux. “It’s nothing too pressing.”

“Very good,” Hux said. He turned to view the shuttle and nodded. “Do see that you keep to your schedule. It’s far too busy for you to slack off.”

Unspoken: “Come back in one piece, would you?”

“I will see you when I return, General,” Ben said. He nodded and boarded the shuttle, feeling Hux’s concerned eyes on his back the entire way.

It made his stomach twist, and the first hints of guilt came breaking through from where he’d shoved them away.

* * *

Resistance soldiers that crashed Ben’s target location delayed the entire mission an additional week, bringing Ben’s total time away from the Finalizer close to three weeks. He walked back into the First Order with one dead end Jedi trinket, and two months to Starkiller’s completion. His clock kept ticking down faster, and Ben wanted to stop thinking about it, if only for a night or two.

“Somebody missed me,” Hux said, tugging on the edges of Ben’s hoods to pull him down. He kissed the bottom of Ben’s mask and tightened his grip. He pulled Ben forward with him, until they both collapsed on his couch, fully dressed. “You haven’t even been to your quarters yet, have you?”

Ben hadn’t.

He’d spent the entire mission cursing his bad luck, and the entire ride back to the Finalizer failing to meditate. Every time he tried, he saw planets burning and Snoke’s smug face. Starkiller haunted Ben’s premonitions and visions, and the only thing that seemed to keep them at bay was lust and the promise of wanting blue eyes.

With no desire to see his fake quarters, and his lie around him, Ben went straight for the General’s quarters. The man’s spartan decoration, and plain furnishings were more than welcome.

“Don’t talk, Hux,” Ben said, tugging off his helmet. He set it on the desk and grunted when Hux yanked his hood down to kiss him properly. Ben grabbed Hux’s waist, slipping his hands under his belt. “I came here to stop thinking.”

“Fair enough,” Hux said. He guided Ben to straddle his lap, and grabbed the back of Ben’s head under the hood. “No thinking it is.”

Ben was more than happy to shut his brain off, giving himself over to greedy fingers, red hair, and pleasant bruises.

He came back to himself much later in Hux’s bed, sated and eyes closed. The other half was empty for now, but Ben could hear the sound of the sonic running on the other side of the wall. Ben knew he was welcome to stay overnight, and buried himself further into the blankets, far too lazy to move.

Hux entered the room, smelling of oatmeal lotion: the mystery scent that smelled like breakfast at home. The man ran like clockwork, and Ben didn’t need to open his eyes to know what Hux was doing. He sat on the edge of the mattress, taking a moment to set his alarm and check his messages. He finished the routine by taking a drink of water, and pulling back the sheet.

It was here that Hux did something different.

Ben stayed still when a warm hand touched his shoulder, pressing lightly. A touch meant to feel, not to wake. Hux slipped his arm across and sunk into Ben’s side as gently as possible.

Hux kissed Ben’s back and whispered so quietly, that Ben needed the Force to hear it: “Missed you.”

Ben did not sleep for the rest of the night.

* * *

Ben stood on Starkiller base.

The snow whipped around his hood as he stood at the very edge of the main platform, looking out into the trees. The planet groaned under the pressure of it’s destroyed insides, twisting and contorting to contain the equipment shoved into its core.

He had hoped never to step foot on this place, however he had no reason to deny Hux when the man asked for Ben to accompany him on his last inspection before he officially moved off the Finalizer and onto his planet.

“I admit the flora here is lovely, but it’s hardly the most exciting thing to see on base,” Hux said, chuckling. He had his arms through the sleeves of his greatcoat, and the front was buttoned. The wind nipped at his cheeks, coloring them in blush. Hux put a hand to his hat to keep a gust from blowing it off. “Or are you still brooding after that disaster of a mission?”

“Not everyone enjoys metal as their only surrounding,” Ben said. He stretched out his fingers, the cold slipping through his gloves. “I can see metal corridors any day, but it has been quite some time since I’ve seen snow and evergreens.”

“A lovely planet.” Hux smiled softly, looking at nothing as he recalled a memory. “That’s how you described it, wasn’t it?”

“It’s still true.”

“All the same, as lovely as this planet is, it’s still rather short on usable resources and this base is rationing,” Hux said. He lightly pulled the edge of Ben’s cape, smiling playfully. “And we are not above it, rank aside. So if you’d like to eat, you’re going to have to come with me now.”

Ben snorted, turning back toward the main building of the base. “I can’t save it for later?”

Hux smirked. “Food does not leave the cafeteria nor the kitchen. It keeps people from hoarding their rations.”

“Sensible,” Ben said, “if not annoying.”

“Don’t worry, your privacy will be maintained,” Hux said. “You have both your hood, and the benefit of the officer’s table having a partition wall.”

“How considerate,” Ben said.

“Selfish, you mean,” Hux said. He glanced at Ben through the corner of his eye with a sly smile. “Maybe I like knowing I’m one of the few who’s seen what’s under that helmet of yours.”

“You would, General,” Ben said. “And out of the First Order, aside from Snoke, you’re the only one who’s had that privilege.”

Pride swelled in Hux’s chest, and it was oddly endearing. As were many things about the man as of late.

“Let us hurry,” Hux said. He smiled openly now, showing teeth. “After we eat, I want to give you a tour of the base. You’ll want to know the layout for later when we get operations up and running.”

Ben would definitely like to know that information; he desperately needed it.

* * *

“One month, Ren,” Hux said, rolling over on his side. He placed his arm around Ben’s waist and dug his face into Ben’s shoulder, half-spooning him from behind. Hux’s joy was palpable, and a sickening reminder of things Ben had chosen not to think about in the past few months. “I can’t believe after all this time, it’s almost finished.”

“You sound awfully excited over a weapon that will kill billions,” Ben said, muttering into his pillow. Probably not the best thing to say to the devil sleeping in his bed, but Ben had to leave soon. It hardly mattered much longer what he said to Hux (Ben had gotten so good at lying these past five years; wouldn’t Luke be proud?). “I thought it was a weapon of necessity, not pleasure.”

“I’m not allowed to be a little proud?” Hux asked, squeezing Ben’s side. His oatmeal lotion skin felt soft against Ben’s skin, and Hux’s hair tickled against his back as the man nuzzled a little closer. “I did spend over five long years building it.”

“All the same,” Ben mumbled. He pressed his face even harder into the pillow. “I sometimes think you do not understand the gravity of what you’ve built, and just how big it is.”

“I know you think I’m a monster sometimes, Ren, but I do understand just what Starkiller will accomplish. I can promise you, when the New Republic falls and the First Order takes its place, it will all be worth it.” Hux said gently. He pressed a kiss to Ben’s shoulder, lingering there as he attempted to reassure. “The lives lost will not be in vain, Ren.”

Ben shivered; Hux truly believed that.

He rolled over to face the General, tucking the man into his chest instead of his back. Ben still wasn’t sure what he was doing here (more lies). Why he kept coming back to this bed with this man (oh, why couldn’t Ben stop lying to himself after he’d fallen this far?). Ben wrapped his arms around Hux, and pulled the man in tightly. Hux sighed, pressing his face into Ben’s neck, perfectly content.

“I will admit though, I will be sad after Starkiller has its debut,” Hux said, mumbling into Ben’s skin. He drew a circle with his thumb on Ben’s hip. “And it’ll be your fault.”

“Will it now?” Ben asked, willing his body not to freeze or draw attention to itself. Hux was going to have plenty of reason to be upset with Ben in the upcoming month when he exposed his Starkiller base early and the Resistance destroyed it. But there was no way he could know about that now. He was too smitten to even suspect. Ben spoke into the side of Hux’s head. “And what will I have done?”

“You’ll have left,” Hux said, squeezing Ben’s hip. He sounded petulant as he mumbled, “You go back to training with our Supreme Leader after Starkiller fires, do you not? I seem to recall that being your timeline, and is it so hard to believe I might miss you?”

“A little,” Ben lied. It was far too easy to believe when he’d flat out heard the words spoken before. “You’ve never been the sentimental type.”

“True, but I seem to be making all sorts of exceptions where you’re concerned, Ren.” Hux kissed Ben’s neck and tangled their legs together. He closed his eyes and Ben counted his breaths as they slowed. Hux was ready for sleep. “Now stop fishing for compliments.”

He cupped the back of Hux’s head with his hand, shifting through the strands of loose red hair. He closed his eyes and relaxed into Hux, memorizing the smell of soap and lotion.

Ben still had a few days left to pretend that he could keep this.


	3. Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last part! For real this time. Sorry it’s later than expected but I was trying to get further in Huxloween (and I’m still not done…). This chapter is the end, a little open ended, but still where this one stops. I will admit, it’s open enough that I’m tempted to make this a series, especially since I sort of want to write something from Hux’s POV for it. He has been a roller coaster of emotions in the background where no one can see it but me. But, alas, I don’t think I have time. Heh.
> 
> Whatever the case, thank you for reading, and thank you for all the wonderful, thoughtful comments, and lastly: I hope you’ve enjoyed this as much as I have writing it!

Starkiller base was T-minus twenty days to completion, and Ben had three main objectives.

For the first, he needed to destroy the shield generators of Starkiller base beyond the ability to be repaired quickly. Getting home and warning the Resistance wouldn’t do Ben any good if they couldn’t destroy the weapon from space, since there were too many foot soldiers and land defenses for their limited numbers to attack effectively. It had plenty of weak points to initiate a chain reaction to destruction with a ship’s fire power, but only if you could hit them.

Second, Ben would need to secure his own fast exit so that he could warn the Resistance, and inform them of the base’s weakness. This was the easiest part of Ben’s plans, as his personal shuttle was always ready to take off at a moment’s notice anyway. One of the few benefits of being a co-commander with a sporadic schedule was a Shuttle Bay team that was aware he came and left at odd hours often without giving a reason.

Lastly, and the most difficult part of it all, was Ben needed to convince his Mother and the Resistance he wasn’t lying about his undercover assignment, and get them to mobilize a force as soon as possible. He wasn’t sure where Luke was, so the man vouching for him wasn’t something Ben could rely on.

Which meant he prayed his Mother sensed his good intentions immediately, because even if he destroyed the shields, Hux was scary resourceful and might have things up and running faster than Ben had plans for.

General Hux.

Ben growled to himself as he set the charges in the lower levels of the shield generator.

He had murdered so many people in the name of this assignment, and yet it was lying to Hux all this time that had Ben’s stomach twisting in guilt. He should have never started an intimate relationship with that man. Ben had never vocally returned Hux’s affection, but there were some things that came across without being said. Hux dug his way into Ben’s affection, against all odds, and there was no way the General had not noticed his feelings were returned, whether Ben wanted them or not.

Ben was going to hurt General Hux. Breaking his cover and destroying Starkiller was going to be a worse blow to that man than if Ben stabbed his lightsaber through Hux’s chest.

Ben would be betraying Hux personally, and the knowledge that he was going to do so on top of breaking the man’s heart, tore Ben apart.

He stalked down the corridor, using the Force to distract any Storm Trooper who saw him down here. Ben set the next few charges and kept moving, staying as focused on the job as he could be while his insides tied themselves in knots thinking about what he was doing. He only had four more to set, and not only would the shield generator go down, but there should be enough debris to block any repair attempts for a few days. Their heavy construction equipment had been moved to storage last month, so it would take time to get it all back out.

Ben rubbed a hand down his face. He had another problem with General Hux, more so than lying to him and betraying the man’s feelings: Ben didn’t want Hux to die.

It only made it worse when Ben realized he wouldn’t have wanted Hux to die even if they hadn’t started sleeping together. The man really had made himself a nuisance in that regard. Ben had already murdered people to spare the man’s life; how could he let him die now?

Starkiller base was going to go down in flames. It had to. Because if Ben was going to throw away his mission, then that was the minimum casualty of Ben’s explosive exit from the First Order. In the best case scenario, it would be destroyed so thoroughly no one could rebuild it. However, that would also kill everyone on the planet.

General Hux had already moved into his Starkiller base quarters ahead of schedule, wanting to oversee the final stages of the project personally. It had worked as a good excuse for Ben to accompany him without suspicion for easier access to sabotage the base, but ruined his hopes that Hux would be on the Finalizer when the Resistance attacked.

That of course led to a much bigger problem: Even if Ben saved Hux, what could he do with the man?

Ben couldn’t afford to stop off at the Finalizer to drop him off. Hux would be furious that Ben took him off planet for no reason, and would figure out what had happened. He’d report Ben to Snoke, and he would of course summon the other Knights of Ren to come chase down their errant master.

Ben also certainly couldn’t bring Hux back to the Resistance or his Uncle’s for asylum. They’d never grant it to one of the highest generals of the First Order. He’d be made a prisoner, and likely put to death for building Starkiller in the first place. Marooning Hux on some Outer Rim planet had too many factors that could go wrong and leave him dead anyway.

And in all of those cases, Hux would be so angry at Ben’s betrayal, he would never accept the aid if Ben tried to help him find a safe place to hide away.

Ben set the last charge, using more force than necessary slamming it into the wall. He pressed his forehead, mask and all against the wall and stared at the explosive. This had to be done. There was no way he could avoid it. Starkiller had to fall and it had to fall now, no matter what Ben’s personal feelings were on the matter. Ben slammed the side of his fist into a wall.

“What a mess,” he said to himself.

He left the lower part of the base, detonator in his hand. He’d set off the charges when he reached the shuttle bay, and take off as soon as he knew they had discharged. There was no room to leave anything at risk, so he had to make sure the explosions worked before he left. After that, Ben had already packed his shuttle with everything he’d be taking with him, and all he had to do was leave. Perhaps when Ben got into space and far, far away, he’d stick his sickening feelings over Hux into the same place where he kept the rest of his guilt.

Ben took two steps up the ramp when he felt Hux in the Force. The man was sitting in his shuttle, and he was angry. Steeling himself for the confrontation, Ben strode into his shuttle and slammed the control to close the ramp.

“What were you doing in the shield generator room, Lord Ren?” Hux asked, voice strained. He sat in the passenger seat in the back cabin, his hands on his knees. “And I should hope it has no relation to your emptied out quarters and your luggage in this shuttle.”

“And what makes you think I was near the shield generators?” Ben asked, curious despite himself.

“The tracking device in your belt,” Hux said, standing and crossing the room. He stopped a foot from Ben, his fists shaking. “I had honestly forgotten the Supreme Leader asked me to hide it there when we first met five years ago, but today for the first time, it threw a warning beep at me on my datapad that you were somewhere you weren’t supposed to be.”

“I always knew Snoke suspected, but I didn’t think he’d taken that step yet,” Ben said, more to himself than anything. He removed his helmet, tossing it onto the floor. Hux twitched at the clatter, and Ben could tell he was nervous. All the same, Ben walked past Hux toward the pilot seat of the shuttle. The man was alone, and Ben bet his current lack of judgement likely tied to the hurt he felt. It wasn’t a smart move to face Ben alone when he suspected treason. It was unlike Hux, but it worked oddly in his favor at the moment. “I’d sit down if I were you.”

“You are not going anywhere,” Hux said, following Ben into the cockpit. He grabbed Ben by the cape, digging his fingers into the coarse fabric. He hissed, “What you are going to do, is gain some sense and undo whatever it is you did down there. Then we’re both going to pretend this never happened, and that’ll be the end of it.”

There was not an ounce of hatred in Hux. Anger, hurt, betrayal, and this overwhelming desire to save Ben from consequence ran together in an agitated and confused state, but his affection for Ben burned strong underneath it all. Hux was terrified Ben would be executed for this.

Hux trembled, and Ben smiled softly. At least that made one part of his next decision easy.

Ben grabbed the back of Hux’s head and dragged him down into a kiss. He tapped their foreheads together. “I’m sorry, Hux.”

“Don’t be sorry, be smart,” Hux replied. His fingers tightened in Ben’s cowl. “Don’t do this, Ren.”

“Sit down, Hux,” Ben said.

He used the Force to shove Hux into the copilot seat, and held him there. The man struggled, but Ben ignored him. Instead, he started the engines of his shuttle, and pressed the detonator.

Hux flinched when the echoing sound of explosions ran throughout the entire base. He twisted his head to the side and yelled, “What did you do, Ren!”

“My job,” Ben said. He looked at Hux and smiled softly. “And my name is Ben.”

He used the Force to knock out Hux, and concentrated on piloting the ship out of the docking bay and into space. Ben still had no idea what he would do with his unconscious General, but at least he could keep the man under until he made up his mind.

* * *

Convincing Ben’s mother that he was one of the good guys went easier than planned, due to Luke having a vision from the Force. Ben had to admit that in his haste, it hadn’t occurred to him that could have been an option. But the Force was with Ben, and Luke arrived at the Resistance base, along with the very still alive Padawans as further proof, to let his mother know what was going on before Ben landed.

It didn’t stop her from tackling Ben in a hug all the same when he descended down the shuttle ramp. He had missed her so much, and hugged back with the same ferocity. The only thing that would have been better was his father being present, but the man was too far away on a job of his own to make it back in time, though he did send a comm as soon as Ben’s mother got a free moment.

Without needing to convince people of his innocence, combined with the extended delays of Starkiller base trying to get their act together with the General missing, the Resistance was able to give the First Order officers and soldiers who were willing to surrender themselves a chance to evacuate before they destroyed the planet.

Quite a few were willing to trade sides completely, including one soldier named Finn who had become fast friends with one of Luke’s students named Rey and the pilot Poe.

With Starkiller base destroyed, Snoke had retreated into hiding with the remainder of the Knights of Ren. He’d buried himself so far beyond their reach, that neither Luke nor Ben could sense the man in the Force. It seemed for now, that Ben’s mission was on hold until the man made a move and revealed himself.

As for the rest of the First Order, it was still there, but in shambles. Without General Hux, their Weapon, or the Supreme Leader, it was a wounded crew barely holding it together.

At the end of the day, Ben had failed his mission to kill Snoke, but the outcome wasn’t as bad as it could have been. He leaned back in his chair, eyes closed. It was nice to sleep again without visions of burning planets and screaming.

“You seem to have much on your mind,” Luke said, joining Ben in the small shuttle he’d taken refuge in to collect his thoughts. Ben had a room on base, but due to certain cargo in the quarters, Ben preferred to stay in the shuttle. Luke sat next to him in the galley. “Care to talk about it?”

“I need to do something with the man in the back room,” Ben said. He’d been able to hide Hux’s identity from Luke and his mother, but he couldn’t hide the life presence in its entirety. Ben rubbed his face with both hands, sinking into his seat. His nights were free of Starkiller base and dead planets, but General Hux still plagued his thoughts. Now that the immediate danger was destroyed, Ben could no longer put off confronting the man. “I can’t keep him asleep much longer.”

“You also can’t keep hiding his presence from your mother much longer,” Luke said, pressing his lips together. He patted Ben on the arm and huffed. “She knows you’re hiding someone in here, and is a hair away from making you tell her.”

“Don’t remind me,” Ben said. He leaned his head to the side, massaging the side of his temple. Ben’s mother was respecting his privacy for now, but only likely because she could feel the agony that was tugging on his soul concerning the matter. But even her curiosity and patience wouldn’t last much longer. If his father arrived, it would be even worse. Ben tugged on his hair. “I don’t know what to do with him.”

“Talking would probably be a good start.” Luke crossed his arms. “That typically solves most problems I’ve found.”

“You’ve never seen him angry,” Ben said, snorting. He could see the fierce eyes and red-colored cheeks already. Ben looked Luke in the eyes. “He could give Mom a run for her money.”

“Well, you did always take after your dad more,” Luke said.

Ben hit him in the arm.

“But seriously,” Luke said. He nodded his head toward the back room. “Whoever it is you have back there hiding from all of us, clearly he’s from the First Order. I don’t know who was important enough for you to bring back this way, but he can’t stay here.”

“I know.”

“Whatever you decide,” Luke said. He moved to the other side of the galley table and hugged Ben tightly. “Just know you’re always welcome to come back home, and that I’m sorry you’re leaving again so soon.”

Ben smiled and grabbed the back of Luke’s hand to squeeze it. “Thank you, Uncle.”

Luke left without another word, but squeezed Ben’s hand back just before he took off. Ben covered his face. He got up from his chair and opened the door to the back room. Ben watched Hux sleeping on the mattress, looking more peaceful than he’d feel when the man woke up. Ben closed his eyes and counted to calm himself. He’d say goodbye properly to his mother, and go figure out what to do with Hux somewhere off base.

If the man decided he wanted to run, the least Ben could do was make sure he didn’t run straight into a Resistance base.

* * *

Ben had chosen a neutral planet in the Outer Rim for his confrontation with Hux. The man was sleeping soundly in the bunk, naturally this time, and Ben was content to let the man wake on his own time after the two-week long forced sleep.

He hoped Hux didn’t mind that Ben had changed his clothes while he slept, but he figured that Hux waking to a sweat-drenched uniform would make a tense conversation even worse. He really hoped Hux didn’t notice that Ren had been using a rag to wipe the sweat off each time he changed him.

Though considering they’d slept together, he probably won’t care either way. Or at the very least, Hux would have plenty of other reasons to be angry with Ben that would take priority when he woke up. If anything, hopefully his clean state would be in Ben’s favor. But he wouldn’t put bets on that either.

Ben was half-asleep himself when Hux started to come to, drowsy and blinking sluggishly.

“Did you drug me?” he slurred, pushing up a little as he rolled on his side. He grasped the side of the bunk, glaring up at Ben. As consciousness returned, Hux took a calculated glance around the room and a quick peek at his plain shirtsleeve. “Are we still in your shuttle?”

“Yes, but you’ve also been asleep for about two weeks,” Ben said. Hux snapped his mouth shut, and his grip on the side of the bunk increased until his knuckles turned white. Ben kept his voice low, “Starkiller base was evacuated and then destroyed.”

Hux sucked in a pained breath, his hand trembling. “And the First Order?”

“Snoke is still alive somewhere,” Ben said, twisting his own hand into a fist. He did not regret abandoning his mission, but he was still upset that monster had been able to escape. Ben released the fist and calmed himself. “The rest of the First Order is too disorganized to be any threat for the meantime, though they are still banded together from what our informants have been able to gather.”

“After all we worked for. After everything we built. How could you?” Hux gathered himself. He licked his lip and practically growled, “How could you just throw it all away and betray us, Ren?”

The unspoken “How could you betray me?” in that sentence stabbed at Ben’s chest.

“I’m not sure ‘betray’ is the right word, when I was never on the side of Snoke and the First Order to begin with.” Ben shifted in his seat, aware that Hux’s gaze grew angrier by the second, and it did nothing to lessen the hurt. “I was more of a saboteur or spy, than a traitor.”

“Then what were we, Ren?” Hux asked, turning his face away. The wave of self-hatred that flooded over him made Ben want to reach over and hug the man, though it would certainly be an unwelcome gesture at the moment. Hux covered the bottom half of his mouth. “A game? Some sort of twisted way to pass the time?”

“If you’ll remember right, I did reject your advances quite a bit,” Ben said, slightly breathless. Hux was still calling him the wrong name, but he didn’t have the heart to correct him right now. Habits were hard to break, and he only heard the correct one once. “I didn’t intend for things to get that far.”

“Then why did you?” Hux asked. The man pulled his knees up, and rested his elbows on them, slowly drawing in on himself. His facial expressions had shut down, and Ben could hear the man thinking of every interaction they’d ever shared, looking for the hints that Ben was going to stab him in the back he must have missed. Hux hissed, pausing on a particularly strong memory of him kissing Ben while the man was still asleep, nothing but fondness radiating from him. “Because it got pretty damned far.”

“You weren’t wrong when you said I desperately needed a distraction.” Ben tugged on his hair. He wrapped his fingers around it, pulling it tightly so that it was painful. He needed to ground himself. “It was a moment of weakness that went farther than I was expecting it to.”

“Weakness is certainly a good way to put it,” Hux said.

Ben sat straighter in his chair, adjusting his robes as he moved. He was glad to be rid of the heavy black robes of his Ren guise, but he still wasn’t used to the lighter fabrics. He tugged on the edge of his black hood, the only element of Kylo Ren he’d wanted to keep. The fabric was a welcome weight, and the smell familiar. It grounded him, and Ben took a moment to touch the fabric.

“No one knows you’re here,” Ben said. Hux glanced at him, combined with a tensing of his limbs. Ben corrected his slip quickly. “That wasn’t a threat. It just means that you’re free to decide what you want to do from here, though I am sorry your options are limited without the First Order to go back to.”

“And who says I can’t go back there?” Hux asked.

“Because someone will have to be blamed for the loss of Starkiller and their best soldier if they ever hope to regroup, and you’ll be a prime target.” Ben said bluntly. He’d gone with the group to destroy Starkiller base, and did a quick sweep of the minds who chose not to surrender and ran. They all blamed Hux’s missing status as a key factor in the base’s destruction. There was no question the man would be a target if he went home. Ben kept Hux’s gaze when he declared, “Snoke will kill you if you go back.”

“Leave,” Hux said, curling in on himself again. He looked too small in the borrowed clothes without the padding of his uniform and the shoulders of his great coat. Even naked he seemed to have a larger presence. When Ben hesitated, Hux turned to him and hissed. “Now. Get out.”

Ben held up a hand. “Hux.”

“I said get out!” Hux shouted, face red with anger.

Ben said nothing more, and left the room.

* * *

Ben poked at his bowl of porridge, debating if it was worth it to bring Hux his portion of the meal. On the one hand, the other man clearly wanted some time alone and Ben was going to do his best to respect that. But he also hadn’t eaten anything substantial in two weeks, save for the nutrition shots Ben had been giving him. He shoved a mouthful of porridge in his own mouth and glared at the table.

He was supposed to be done with making big decisions like this for now.

The door to the back quarters opened, saving Ben at least the trouble of wondering if he needed to go fetch the man or not for breakfast.

“Was any of it real?” Hux asked without preamble, crossing the room and sitting across from Ben. He joined in glaring at the table, fists clenched in his lap. “Or was I a complete fool thinking we had shared feelings?”

Ben got up from the table, and spooned out a second helping of porridge. Hux watched him like a hawk, staring hard at every moment. Ben sat the bowl in front of Hux with a spoon before sitting back down. The few seconds of stalling did nothing to help him answer more properly.

So he started to tell the truth, for what felt like the first time in the past five years.

“I spent quite a bit of time in denial and lying to myself concerning you,” Ben said. He rubbed the side of his arm. Ben half-smiled, stirring his porridge. “And you’re here and not dead, so the feelings that you thought were between us are probably more real than I ever wanted them to be.”

Hux pressed his lips together, thinking much too hard. He eventually worked up the nerves to speak, and Ben held his breath.

“It’s funny, you know. I’ve been thinking back on all the moments where I feel you should have given your true allegiance away, and realized I brushed every single instance off as you being socially awkward,” Hux said. He tugged over his bowl of porridge when a rumbling stomach gave away his hunger. “And to my embarrassment, I thought it was endearing as often as I found the behavior irritating.”

“I noticed,” Ben said.

Hux looked at him after a bite, eyebrow raised.

“My strongest strength in the Force is the mind.” Ben tapped the side of his head. “I played it down to try and fool Snoke, but picking up on people’s thoughts, emotions, and inner feelings is as easy as breathing to me. I often do it without even meaning to, so essentially, I usually know what everyone is really thinking, whether they say it or not.”

Hux put down his spoon. He looked at Ben sharply, anger surfacing in a manner so familiar it was almost calming. “So you knew how I really felt about you, even the emotions I could barely admit to myself, and continued to lie anyway?”

“Yes,” Ben said. He smiled wryly and licked the side of his lip. “But if it makes you feel better, I felt horribly guilty about taking comfort with you when I was supposed to be destroying everything you loved.”

“It doesn’t.”

Ben laughed, throwing his head back and cover his face with his hands. He dragged his fingers down his face and leaned back in his chair. “I didn’t think it would.”

Hux ate in silent for a few more moments, thinking hard and Ben let him. They had plenty of time to sort things out before they went their separate ways. Ben ate his own breakfast, his chest hurting. That was the only way this was going to end. He’d been a fool to even fancy the idea that he could keep this thing that he had with Hux in any way. Ben scraped the bottom of his bowl, getting the last of the ration.

He missed the smell of Hux’s lotion.

When their bowls were empty and bellies full, the two of them sat in silence. Ben didn’t want to leave the table, and Hux was still thinking. Another ten or so minutes passed before the quiet was broken.

“So who are you really?” Hux asked, looking across the table. He crossed his arms, fingers tugging at the unfamiliar shirt sleeve. “If you’re not Kylo Ren?”

“My name is Ben Solo,” he said. “And I’m a Jedi.”

The General stared for a few moments, before chuckling under his breath. He tried to stop it, waving his hand in the air as the laughter grew louder and louder until the man was full on guffawing.

Hux smacked the table, shoulders still shaking. “How dare you make me laugh. I’m angry with you! For real now, who are you?”

“Ben Solo,” he said again. Ben tugged on the edge of his hood. “I’m a Jedi under the training of Luke Skywalker. I’ve been training with him since I was a child, and went on this undercover mission when I was twenty-five.”

“One,” Hux said, holding up a hand with a single finger raised. He leaned across the table, glaring Ben down. “We have had way too much sex for you to be a bloody Jedi. I refuse to believe that I have enough seductive prowess to woo a Jedi. And second, even if there was a chance of that being true, there is no way I have slept with the bloody missing son of the Resistance General, Leia Organa.”

“I probably should have clarified that I’m not very good at being a Jedi,” Ben said, thoughtfully. He winced and tilted his head, before taking a swig of his glass of juice. He grabbed the breakfast plates and stacked them to give his hands something to do. “Which is why I was the first choice to ask when they needed someone to do the undercover mission that required killing and torturing innocent people as part of the job description.”

Hux got up from the table and went back into the bedroom, slamming the door hard enough that Ben winced.

* * *

“Hux?” Ben asked, knocking on the bedroom door. The man hadn’t shown his face outside of the back room in a couple days, and Ben was happy to let him have the time to himself since there was a refresher back there, but he needed to go collect supplies in town. Sadly, Ben wasn’t sure he wanted to leave Hux completely alone. “I need to go into town, do you want to come with me?”

He waited and heard nothing. Ben sighed and knocked again. “I’m leaving in about five minutes and I’ll be gone about an hour.”

Ben would just have to lock up the shuttle when he left. Hux was smart, but so was Ben. He could totally fix the locks to keep the man trapped. If he even noticed his temporary roommate had left. Ben had just finished tugging on his cloak when the door to the bedroom opened.

Hux stomped out, face flushed. He had on his old First Order uniform boots, and tugged at his shirt. “I don’t suppose I could get new clothes, could I?”

“Of course. I’m sorry I haven’t had anything but my own to let you borrow,” Ben said. He rubbed the back of his neck. He tugged off his own black hood and cape and held it over to Hux. “You might want to cover your hair, though.”

“I suppose so, being a wanted man and all,” Hux said. He pulled on the cape and adjusted the hood low on his face, still scowling. The fabric of Ben’s hood looked far too large on Hux, but it worked well enough for what they wanted. And it was really cute to see the proud man drowning in the dark fabric. Hux got to the door, staring forward. “Well? Are we going or not?”

Ben nodded and opened the door to the shuttle. Hux trailed behind him the entire way into town, looking at their surroundings and taking note of everything. He was still resourceful, even now, and Ben would do well to remember that.

He also reminded himself Hux was free to do whatever he wanted at this point, and Ben had very little say in the matter.

“What are your plans now?” Hux asked, holding a small bag of new clothes. The market was lively around them, voices and chatter drowning out everything. Ben had to struggle to hear Hux, even with the Force. “Since you seem to have accomplished your undercover goals, I imagine you have free time to spare. I suppose you’ll return to your master to study?”

“No,” Ben said. He paid for a few packets of food, and shoved them in his satchel. He gripped his hand into a fist, walking to the next stand. “I failed my mission, so I need to find a new way to complete it.”

“Failed?” Hux asked, mouth stretching. “You destroyed Starkiller base and scattered the First Order. How is that a failure for the Resistance?”

“My mission was to kill Snoke,” Ben said. He shook his head and laughed. “I had to abandon my cover because Starkiller base was a bigger threat at the moment.”

“For someone who had to kill Snoke, you sure spent a lot of your time on my ship,” Hux said.

“Tell me about it. Snoke was a suspicious, paranoid nut and made sure even his apprentice was far, far away,” Ben said, smiling. He chuckled again, his shoulders shaking. He grinned a bit at Hux, knowing he’d get hit for saying it. “Why do you think I was always destroying control panels?”

Hux stopped dead in the center of the road and stared. He opened his mouth and then snapped it shut. He shook his head kept walking. “No wonder you were always so angry.”

“I’m just glad no one questioned that Kylo Ren had the same awful temper as Ben Solo, or my cover might have been broken in the first month,” Ben said.

“Can’t imagine where you got that from, considering who your mother is,” Hux said.

It was meant as a jab, but Ben just smiled. No one knew what his mother’s temper was like better than he and his father did. Ben knew good and well where he inherited all his anger from.

The next couple of hours were spent in companionable silence, save for a comment here or there on what snacks to buy and what supplies they needed.

“I think we’ve got everything we need,” Ben said, looking in his bag. The afternoon had been rather pleasant, walking around with Hux to shop. It was wonderfully domestic, and Ben already looked forward to the next trip out if Hux was still around for it. But sadly, their evening did have to come to an end. “We can probably head back to the shuttle now unless there’s something you needed.”

“No,” Hux said, cutting short any hope Ben had of making the next few hours last just a bit longer.

* * *

Ben had taken to sleeping on the bench in the common room of the shuttle. Offering to share the back bedroom wasn’t an option, and even if Hux didn’t really deserve the only bed on the shuttle, it was a tiny way for Ben to feel slightly less guilty about destroying his life.

Even if it was an awful one, Ben was sure that Hux appreciated it.

Speaking of the man, Ben opened his eyes and turned his head when he caught him approaching. Ben sat up and Hux jumped a near foot in the air. “Did you need something?”

“You’re awake,” Hux said. He dropped his shoulders, looking guilty. Ben allowed him his privacy, and didn’t bother to check what the man was sneaking around in the middle of the night for. Hux scratched the side of his head, ruffling his hair. “You were always such a heavy sleeper, I didn’t think you would notice me.”

“I’m actually a very light sleeper,” Ben said. “I faked being asleep around you more than I want to admit, to be honest.”

“A lie by omission on top of everything else, then,” Hux said. He took a few steps closer and stared down. There was something odd in his eyes; fond and angry and hurt. “Which means I’m sure you heard many things you weren’t supposed to, and still continued to string me along.”

“At the end,” Ben said. He glared up, narrowing his own eyes. “But for the first four years, I did everything possible to keep you away. And if you’ll remember, the first time we had sex I said quite clearly that I hated you.”

“You did,” Hux said. He climbed into Ben’s lap, dropping down hard enough that the air was knocked out of Ben’s lungs. He shoved him down by the shoulders and stared down. “And it was the one time I could tell you were lying.”

Ben held his hands in the air near Hux’s sides. They longed to grab his hips or his thighs and touch the man again, but he resisted. Falling into temptation is what got him into this mess the first time around. Though the way Hux was staring at him said that a second fall wouldn’t be turned away.

He couldn’t tell if that was a good or a bad thing.

Hux leaned forward, pressing Ben harder down with every bit of his weight. Hux’s fingers dug through Ben’s shirt, squeezing hard. “I want to hate you.”

“I know that feeling,” Ben whispered, wondering if he should have just kept his mouth shut. He dropped his hands on Hux’s waist at the top of his thighs, and tried not to smile too much. “It’s frustrating, isn’t it?”

“It’s upsetting that I still can’t seem to hate you, even after saying something that stupid,” Hux said. He slipped forward to kiss Ben, grabbing the back of his head. “Though I am starting to understand why ‘I want to stop thinking’ was one of your favorite lines before foreplay.”

“This is very good for that,” Ben whispered. He squeezed Hux’s hips and breathed harder. Ben was falling all over again, and the only thing on the line right now were his own feelings. “Though it never really worked. I always had far more to think about than I wanted afterwards. Give up your thoughts for a few minutes, and triple them afterwards. It’s a bit of an unfair trade.”

“Though it must have been worth it since you kept coming back,” Hux said, pressing a light kiss to Ben’s lips. He scooted a bit farther forward, squeezing Ben with his hips.

Ben met the motion with a roll of his own hips and clutched Hux harder. “I’m starting to think it might be.”

“I really wish I could hate you,” Hux said.

He dropped down for another kiss, and Ben could tell even without the Force that he was lying, too.

* * *

Ben half-expected to wake up with a knife in his side, and all of last night having been some complex plan to catch Ben off guard for Hux to get his revenge, but the only thing Ben woke to was Hux asleep and tucked into his side like he belonged there. They had made it to the bed in the back at some point, entangled together under the sheets, and Ben couldn’t remember ever waking up this happy.

“This doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you,” Hux muttered into Ben’s side. His face was jammed into the crook of Ben’s neck. “Just to be clear.”

“The thought never crossed my mind.” Ben rolled over, tucking Hux into his chest. The motion was familiar and practiced. Ben hugged Hux tighter. He had missed it. Ben missed this so much. He buried his face in Hux’s hair. “Do you know what you want to do from now on?”

Hux snorted into Ben’s chest. “Do you?”

“Kill Snoke, but don’t ask me how,” Ben said.

Hux drew a circle on Ben’s hip. “And after that?”

“Nothing I have to do,” Ben said. He petted the back of Hux’s head, fingers combing through the red strands. “Though going back to being a Jedi feels like a fool’s errand after this, so I suppose I’m open to suggestion.”

“Kill your parents and destroy the Resistance?”

Ben smiled despite himself, kissing his monster in the side of the head. “I’ll think about it.”

“I was being serious, you know,” Hux said. He drummed his fingers on Ben’s side, eyes still shut. “If you kill Snoke, then my reason to avoid going home to the First Order flickers away. They’ll be desperate for a leader and I’ll be more than happy to step in. Therefore, getting back to the original goal of wiping out the Resistance and the Republic would be the logical next step.”

Ben was a tad frightened by just how serious Hux was.

“I’d have to stop you,” Ben said, finding himself too warm, content, and happy at the moment to work up the energy to scold him. Hux had said far worse in bed before in any case. This was hardly the most graphic way he’d described killing Ben’s mother before. Ben kissed him on the side of the head again. “You’d be a worse threat to the universe than Snoke if you were calling all the shots.”

Hux moved, scooting up so that they were face to face. He turned Ben’s head by the cheek and held his fingers there. “Then what do you suggest I do?”

“Settle down with a poor excuse for a Jedi and make a repair shop?” Ben asked.

“That sounds like something you want to do,” Hux said, scowling.

“Might be.”

“Well, you keep that dream,” Hux said. He cupped the sides of Ben’s head, and kissed him hard on the lips. Hux patted the side of Ben’s cheek with his thumb and huffed fondly, mind once again whirling with plans. “If I can seduce a Jedi into sleeping with me, perhaps I just have to try harder to seduce him into joining the right side for real. You really were a great benefit to the First Order most of the time, even if you were trying to do the opposite.”

“Or maybe I should seduce you into the right side,” Ben said, mouth quirking into a smile. “Because the New Republic really is not the evil you seem to think it is.”

“Challenge accepted,” Hux said. He rolled the two of them over, putting Ben on top and Hux beneath him. They kissed again, slow and lazy, but with something heated behind it that hadn’t been there before. Hux wrapped his arms around Ben’s shoulders, drawing them closer together. “Now I think that’s more than enough thinking for one day, don’t you agree?”

“Definitely too much thinking,” Ben said. He sank into Hux with a kiss, and closed his eyes.

Killing Snoke could wait for another day; Ben had all the time in the galaxy.


End file.
